My sad birthday!

My birthday last August 1, didnt go so well. I expected it though, there is really nothing much to be happy about. Two of my clients wont pay me, which will total to about 100k, that is a big amount of money, which I really need. I didnt think that I would go bankrupt, but I am. Sometimes I dont even have enough to buy lunch. I am going through a very difficult phase. At the start of the day on my birthday, I tried to be happy. I really tried but things went from worse to worst. Sometimes I hate my mom so much for ruining everything for me. In fact I hate her most of the time, if I can stay away from her I would. She ruined my day, my birthday. At the start of the day she made me lose every composure that I had, and from 8am to till night I kept crying.

I was crying about everything, my work, money, my family my whole life. Then when I went to work, to the site I just gave them their salary and left immediately, Im already crying on myh way there. Then Im off to the other site to submit the as-built plans. I know that I am going to a war. I came face to face to the woman that I feel so evil I'd like to pull her hair out maybe even her eyes. She is just so inconsiderate, very selfish and just out of this world evil. I hat her to high heavens, but I cannot do anything about it because she is my client so I burst into more tears. It was about 12noon and I was crying till 3pm. She wont pay me for somthing I already finished. Its a job done and she still wont pay me. I honestly wanted to sue her, I even consulted a lawyer and I will charge her the full amount plus "danyos", for all the heartache she caused me. I left hell at 3pm, still crying and still without the payment, I havent eaten lunch yet and so does little J. They dont have a heart and if I were a witch Id cast a spell so that they will not earn a single cent from their buisness. I cried while driving home, I pass by Mcdonalds to buy food for little J. When I got home I was still too frustrated that I went on crying till I doze of to sleep.

One good thing is that my brother and his wife is thoughtful enough to bring cake and pancit for me to celebrate. I wanted to celebrate but I am too lonely. I cant just tell myself to smile when I am bursting with anger and frustration. A few hours later we just ate dinner and little J and Nangnang joined me in the bedroom. Little J was too tires too she fell aslepp without taking her milk. I just told her stories and without us knowing she already fell asleep.

Then one thing happened, my worker texted me, at around 10pm greeting me happy birthday. He asked me if I was happy the whole day, since he knew that I was not, becuase he was the only one that is with us when I was crying my heart out in "hell" the site. It wasnt really a big deal, but it was sweet of him to ask if I am ok. Then he told me that it was also his birthday 2 days before mine, and just like me he is crying. It turned out that he caught his wife with another man and she even has the guts to threw him out. Then just like a light, it dawned to me that I should be happy. Not because of what happened to him, but I should still be thankful that there are far more worse problems that other people are facing. My problem is only about money, and I can earn that if not now, sometime soon. His problems is far more worse than mine. I feel for him, I really wish he can get over with happend, that sooner or later he can move one with life. He still goes to work, which is good, but I find him looking into air most of the time. He is still in shock. I have so mcuh respect for him, because he really works hard for his family. He works and often times volunteer to work during over time, HE practically works 8am-9pm everyday from Monday to Sunday. I ask him and the others if he can still take it, if he still has the energy to work over time. He always answer me. "Yes ma'am, para sa pamilya ko!" then this is what he will get.

You can say that I am a bit affected, because I have high respect for him as a father, that even if he is just a construction worker he has the sense of responsiblity and overflowing love for his family, specially for his daughter. Sometimes I wish that little J's father would have just a bit of that, I dont even ask for him(little J's father) to be responisble to provide. I already told him that I dont need a single cent from him, what I am only asking from little J's father is just a bit of concern. Maybe just a hint to let us know that he cares for his daughter.