Overwhelmed

I have so much to say.. a lot has been happening with my life. I am so overwhelmed, both good and bad. I'd like to think about the positive things though it also hurts that smiles also come with sadness.  A lot of momentous events happened in the past 2 months. I don't even know how to feel about it. Its like everything is on a "wait and see" phase. One special event was last friday March 26, it was little J's graduation. Im glad to be present on this event, I thought I will not be here to witness it. Then March 27, was Mama's birthday and I also have a lot of things to tell about that, not about the birthday but about little J's father.

I am leaving, soon, so soon that I really don't want to. I feel like I am going to blow. I have too much emotions, I am excited, anxious, sad, scared, all at the same time.

I don't want to leave.

I don't want to leave little J, nor her dad. It is sad to reunite after 6 long years and then we still have to part again. Its as if we are always separated for reasons that we cannot even understand why or how. One thing that I promised myself, this time I will not let go. No matter what. It is so hard to leave. I don't want to leave, but I have to. I am doing this for little J, for me, for "daddy" and for our family.  Hopefully we will all be reunited after a few months.