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The Miracles of life

For now, I am raising Jea on my own, without her father. Its hard, physically, fianancially but more so emotionally. Take note, I said for now, coz deep inside I still have hope that there might be some miracle that her father would come to his senses and take responsibility and a far more impossible miracle that my parents would accept that. Or if that didnt happen, maybe, just maybe, that there is somebody else out there who will love me and take Jea as his own and give the the love we both deserve. Or if that miracles doesnt happen anymore, I am so thankful for the Miracle of my life, Jea, and PApa, MAma, kuya and Pau, my family.

Without a Father..

I have kept this blog for months already but never wrote about the sad things in my life. Maybe I dont want anybody else to know.. Maybe I dont want to accept the reality or maybe I just dont want to talk about it. But this is a blog, and a blog is a journal, that tells about who I am, my daughter and everything about our life.

I was forced to face the truth about this situation when a cousin of mine posted and asked this question?

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=5230140076443280262&postID=184835397925440851&isPopup=true
Hi Jaypee,
You seem to have everything going so well in your life. Even if I haven't connected with you for a long time, I can say that you're a strong woman. I'm proud of you and what you have become. Tell you the truth, I was shocked to see all these pictures of your daughter. Couldn't believe that you're raising her on your own. Way to go girl! Just for my own sake, whatever happened? I mean, I want to know, why you end up having the child without the father? Does he have any contact with you now? Just curious... take care and God Bless. Regards to your precious family, you're all been blessed! Love and miss you all,
Ate Edith, Kuya Jun & boys

What happened? As I look back, I dont really know why this happened.. There are several reasons. Its either
a. My parents especially mama doesnt like him, that he is a not good guy, and they my parents chose to keep me awayt from him as far as they can.(this is what "HE" would like to believe)
b. That He, the father is just a coward and wouldnt take his responsiblity. (this is what I dont want to believe)
c. That even if he wanted to take responsibility now, its not possbile anymore coz its already all messed up. (this is the truth)
d. That this is just how its meant to be. I know its complicated and really.. really hard.. But we are all ok, just as it is. Although it would be better if she has her real father.. I know that Jea can feel that love from Papa already.. he may not be her real Papa, but she gets all the love she needs from a father. Sometimes i think she gets soooooooooooooooooooooo MUCH OF IT. But that's ok she deserves all the love she can get. (this is a fact)

I think the answer is all of the above. I can come up so many many other reasons, member of my family and people who know me, have their own opinions too. But this is the simple truth.

28 years....

28 years... honestly I dont know what to feel... After all the things that happened in the past years I thought we wouldnt go this far. Its a long journey alright, as I look back I dont know which time is the good or the bad days. At times, I even think that the bad days are far longer than the happy ones. But, at this time,it seems like it doesnt matter anymore. It doesnt matter if we spend rough times, it doesnt matter if it feels like there so much heartaches, tonight what only matters is that "we made it all through that, i woulndt know if we are victorious or still hanging but we are still here, One Big Happy Family"

I am proud to be part of it, I may not be proud of my contributions to the family, if ever I made some, but I am Proud to be who I am. I am, who I am because of this family. I am proud of my daughter that we may not be the typical family, being a single mom, I am proud that she is coping up well. I know I'm not the greatest mom, but I am trying my best. I am proud of my Kuya, because no matter if we see him as meak and looks like he is unaffected of all the things thats happening, sometimes it even feels like he doesnt care, I know that He has SOOOOOOOO Much loove for our family. He managed to stay calm and courageous for all us. He tried not to take sides because he understands that in a Family, there is no side, there is no left or right. A family is only considered ONE, as a whole, together.

I am proud of my parents, that even if there are a lot of things that they dont agree on. A lot of times, that they dont like the things thats happening between them, between us. There are even a lot of times that they hated eachother. They managed to forgive, forget, understand eachother even if they they really dont. To be there for eachother, even if they are not talking to eachother. And to STILL LOVE eachtoher even if it doesnt show.














This family is still together after 28 loooooooooooooooooooong years!!! Through thick and thin, In richness and in poorness, In sickness and in health. May we never part.

2008 New Start!!!

Family Day!!!

Last Sunday, I dont know what got in to Papa's head that he asked as to go to Sta. Rosa. I really dont want to go, coz I want to rest and I know that I will spend some more money, and I really dont want to since I spend so much already the day before, Saturday. But, so as not to hurt Papa's feelings I said ok. We left at around 9am. All of us, Nongnong, Mama, Papa, Me and Jea including ate Luz, the house help. So we drive off in my car. There was no traffic at all. We got there by 10am, we asked Jea to tell us to stop if she saw our house already. We're trying to see if she still remembers. Its been a long time since we visit our place and all the houses look alike so we thought she wouldnt know, but she did. She said stop, exactly infront of our house. In a few minutes they are all doing chores, cleaning the house, cutting the grass, trimming the plants. So much work. This is what we do whenever we come home. We clean everything the whole day, just to leave it again that afternoon and just come back weeks even months after to do it all over again.

After lunch, Mama and Papa got in an argument coz she wants them to come with us to the open house for another real estate development, but Papa wont go, he would rather tire himself doin the chores.

Only the ladies left, me. mama and Jea. It was a long drive from home. We didnt know its that far, if we only knew... In the event Jea keep on bugging us to go back to Papa. So we stayed for a few minutes only. Just enough to have an overview of the project and chat for a while, then we left. On our way home, Jea fell asleep. We all went to sleep as soon as we got back home. We left Sta. Rosa at around 5pm. Mama and kuya got in another argument coz he doesnt wanna go with us to the mass, he insited that he has to change first.

We got in Manila by 6pm, Kuya and Papa, went to change then we went to UST for the mass. I told them I, dont need to go to greenhills anymore. I was suppose to inspect there. But, they said we can still go. We all went together, just like what we used to do, one big happy family. We ate dinner at Le Ching, like what we use to do and had dessert at Krispy Kreme. We had donuts, coffee and lots of laughter. I wish we can do this more often.... Few arguments, but we still end up laughing with eachother...

What I really want?

When we got home from office last night, I found Jea at Tita Lody's house again, maybe playing with Nicole. As I got out of the car, I can already hear her screaming "Mommy!!!Mommy I'm here!!" So I acknowledge her by saying I'm coming already and I have something for her. I brought her fries from Mcdo. As soon as I reached the 2nd floor she's already asking for me to buy her, take note PSP. The very expensive Portable Gaming Gadget that I myself dont know how to use. And so I told her I cant get that for her. I'd rather spend the money for her tuition fee, I'd like to enroll her this year. I know she's too young at 2 and a half years old, but she's such an intelligent kid that its such a waste to let her stay at home all day. So I'm saving up for that. Going back to PSP, I really dont like her playing those things, for the following reasons:

1. She's too young to even understand what those games are all about.

2. Most games are too violent for her, she might misunderstood and take that as good things, since all the other kids are playing those games.

3. That is just way too expensive for her, I know by experience that she will just ruin the gadget.

4. I dont think thats what she really wants!!! She just wants to what other/older kids have.

Just what mama also thinks. Jea has to have her own identity, and not just copy from others. I know its just normal for young kids to idolized but for the old ones to actually just accept it and even to encourage it wouldnt be healthy for her. I want her to develop her own personality. To know what she really likes. To know sho she really is. I know its hard, since most adults, even me still doesnt know that. But, its ok to at least dream for that. Right?