Friday, July 23, 2010

At the Park- Mommy Moments

mommy moments

a lovely pose

These pictures were taken at La Mesa Ecopark, back when we used to do out a lot. We seem not to do this often now, mostly we just stay at home or go to the mall. We should do more bonding moments such as this soon.

Please view my other entry here

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The day she met her Father

Today is a milestone in little J's life. Today she met her father, the last time they saw each other was 3 years ago. Little J can't remember him anymore. We went to Muntinlupa to accopany my aunt and I dont have plans to see him at all, before we get to my aunt's place little J requested if we can go to McDonald's to buy her lunch, I insisted that we should go straight to the house. My mom insisted that we should go to McDonald's until little J cried. So I just dropped the oldies at the house and the 2 of us little J and me went to SM and bought her food. I figured we already escaped from Mama we might as well pass by "daddy's house".

I asked little J if she wants to see lolo and she said yes, so texted lolo and asked if we can drop by. Unfortunately he wasn't at home but he said I could try to see "daddy" instead if he is already home. So we did, he wasn't home. So we left and went to my Aunt's place and ate our lunch. After lunch everybody fell asleep, including me except little J. When I woke up, I saw her in a corner doing nothing, looking really bored. So asked her if she wants to go to "daddy" again, her eyes lit up and she answered an astounding "yes".

We went to SM first, I figured I should buy something first for us to show Mama as an alibi that we went to SM. We went to National Bookstore and bought some paper and pen then we left and went back to "daddy's" house. This time he is already home. So we nervously went inside, his sister lead as to his house (he has a separate house inside their compound) and we sat there in the living area. He was so surprised to see me, I know he didn't expected that it was me and little J. He was already resting, when we got there. He hurriedly changed and went to see us. I was glad to see his reaction, I know he was happy to see us, or at least little J. He was shocked to see how big she has grown.

Nataranta sya talaga, he didn't know what to do, he kept on coming back and forth the bedroom and the sala. I introduced them to each other, the smile on his face is priceless.. I know he is so happy to see her. She offered pizza and tried to order, the funny part is that he cannot contain his emotions that he asked me to order for us. Taranta talaga, pinasa ko ulit sa kanya yung phone. Sabi ko, nakakatuwa ka. Wag ka na mag abala, alis din kme agad. Then the phone went dead, low batt. He dialed the phone again using his cellphone, then passed tha phone again to me. I said he should be the one to order, I don't even know their address and phone number so he got it and went to the bedroom and ordered. He said it will take 45minutes. I told him to cancel the order since we have to leave shortly.

He then, offered for us to go to SM, is just a few streets away from their place. I said ok, but little J is really uneasy, she is so shy. She doesn't know how to act with him. She wont go to SM she said she wants to go back to my Aunt's place instead. So I didn't want to push her, I said ok. So I told him that we should go. Little J is not ready yet, maybe if he could spend more time with her then she will warm up a little. Maybe some other time.

Honestly, I wanted to stay longer, or at least take his offer for snack in SM, but I am also scared that my mom will find out. She already called twice when we were at his place. I am still scared, I don't want to complicate things. I am really happy that little J and her father got to see each other, timely before her birthday and father's day. I sure hope that she can spend sometime with him soon.

It wasn't I expected it to be, I have imagined this maybe a million times before it actually happened and I really thought I'll be crying with so much joy to see them together but I wasn't. I was even eager to leave early. That wasn't the case 3 years ago. 3 years ago it looked as if I was trying too hard. Now, I really want them to get to know each other, to spend more time together, but I will not push it.

On my part, I am also surprised on what I felt when I saw him. It was really mixed emotions, I wanted to hug him, I really missed him so much, and seeing him overwhelms me. Just a friendly hug, now I know what JP felt when he came to visit me, some more years ago. I wanted to chat more with him, to really befriend him, but at the same time I don't him to think that I am still in love with him because I am not. I am nervous, ashamed, shy at the same time. He still looks so good, while I am at least 50lbs heavier. I am also mad and I wanted to tell him how awful I felt not having him around in this difficult time. I really need some help into parenting. I wanted ti discuss a lot of things with him, I wanted to ask him if he could see little J more often. I was a little bitchy, but some issues came to me at some point that made me want to be bitchy. There are some things that he said that was too awful to hear coming from him, if somebody else said it it would matter, but when it came from him it wasn't right. A part of me wanted to speak up, and I did, so I acted a little bitchy.

To sum it all, I am so happy that they met. I am so happy to see him. I am so happy to see them together. I wish there will be more chances for them to bond as father and daughter. Please pray with me for this.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

How's Jea?

How's Jea?

That is all that he has to say and I am already trembling. I'm happy, scared, nervous, hopeful all at the same time. That is what little J's father sent through fb tonight. I just replied a brief description on how little J is doing, in school and even summer class. I also told him that little J has been asking about him for the longest time already and I am hoping he could make time to see her. The last time they saw each other was almost 3 years ago. That was their first and their last meeting. For those who's new to this blog, I am a single mom, the father of little J was forced to stay away from us or maybe he also chose to.

To continue, since little J learned about family, about the father and mother and baby she has been asking about her dad. I always tell only good things about her dad, if there are things that I can't explain like why is he away I just try to veer away from the question and tell that I cannot explain as of the moment, and I will when she's older.

For the first few years of little J's life I tried contacting him, and he wouldn't answer, he is trying to avoid us just like what my father told him to, but I persisted so 1 day last July 2007 the father and daughter met. It was such a wonderful day for me. I can't explain how happy I am for little J. I still cry when I see dads playing with their kids, I still cry watching a movie where the dad reads a story for his daughter. I still cry wishing that someday.. someday little J will get to do that with her dad.  I am still wishing.. and praying that someday they will meet again.. Hopefully soon.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Have you ever been addicted into something? There are a lot of things that people may be addicted to, I would say that the most common ones are the addictions to caffeine and nicotine, these are the simple ones. The serious one would be the addiction to prohibited drugs. There are a lot of sad stories about drug addiction. Those people who may have a beautiful in peaceful lives, leads to life of distraction, violence all because of drug addiction these people get into the bad habit, I would think that there is a time in their life that made them depressed or confused. I understand how they feel. I myself, got into a very bad depression. A phase that I thought was the worst time of my life. I didn't get into drugs, but I would say it was such a disturbing phase. I made wrong choices during those times. I think this may also be the reason how this people get into the bad habit. They we're in deep trouble and in desperation they get into deeper trouble.

The good new is that there are establishments that can help them. Like this one I saw in a California Drug Rehab. What this Drug Rehab in California different is that they focus on your emotions. They do not just cure the habit, but they also try to understand why you get into that habit. They heal not just your drug addiction but also your soul. They focus on the 6-Basic feeling theory. The following basic feelings are understood: Mad, Sad, Glad, Afraid, Ashamed and Hurt. Most of the time this 6 basic feelings are what a drug addict feels. In this California Drug Rehabilitation they believe in the philosophy ART of recovery. To be able to be fully healed from drug addiction, you must able to sustain long-term abstinence, sobriety and recovery, by the philosophy or accountability, responsibility and time.

Type rest of the post here