Thursday, January 31, 2008

Saving up

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I'll just load up the pics.. I'll write about it some other time..

The Miracles of life

For now, I am raising Jea on my own, without her father. Its hard, physically, fianancially but more so emotionally. Take note, I said for now, coz deep inside I still have hope that there might be some miracle that her father would come to his senses and take responsibility and a far more impossible miracle that my parents would accept that. Or if that didnt happen, maybe, just maybe, that there is somebody else out there who will love me and take Jea as his own and give the the love we both deserve. Or if that miracles doesnt happen anymore, I am so thankful for the Miracle of my life, Jea, and PApa, MAma, kuya and Pau, my family.

Without a Father..

I have kept this blog for months already but never wrote about the sad things in my life. Maybe I dont want anybody else to know.. Maybe I dont want to accept the reality or maybe I just dont want to talk about it. But this is a blog, and a blog is a journal, that tells about who I am, my daughter and everything about our life.

I was forced to face the truth about this situation when a cousin of mine posted and asked this question?
Hi Jaypee,
You seem to have everything going so well in your life. Even if I haven't connected with you for a long time, I can say that you're a strong woman. I'm proud of you and what you have become. Tell you the truth, I was shocked to see all these pictures of your daughter. Couldn't believe that you're raising her on your own. Way to go girl! Just for my own sake, whatever happened? I mean, I want to know, why you end up having the child without the father? Does he have any contact with you now? Just curious... take care and God Bless. Regards to your precious family, you're all been blessed! Love and miss you all,
Ate Edith, Kuya Jun & boys

What happened? As I look back, I dont really know why this happened.. There are several reasons. Its either
a. My parents especially mama doesnt like him, that he is a not good guy, and they my parents chose to keep me awayt from him as far as they can.(this is what "HE" would like to believe)
b. That He, the father is just a coward and wouldnt take his responsiblity. (this is what I dont want to believe)
c. That even if he wanted to take responsibility now, its not possbile anymore coz its already all messed up. (this is the truth)
d. That this is just how its meant to be. I know its complicated and really.. really hard.. But we are all ok, just as it is. Although it would be better if she has her real father.. I know that Jea can feel that love from Papa already.. he may not be her real Papa, but she gets all the love she needs from a father. Sometimes i think she gets soooooooooooooooooooooo MUCH OF IT. But that's ok she deserves all the love she can get. (this is a fact)

I think the answer is all of the above. I can come up so many many other reasons, member of my family and people who know me, have their own opinions too. But this is the simple truth.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

28 years....

28 years... honestly I dont know what to feel... After all the things that happened in the past years I thought we wouldnt go this far. Its a long journey alright, as I look back I dont know which time is the good or the bad days. At times, I even think that the bad days are far longer than the happy ones. But, at this time,it seems like it doesnt matter anymore. It doesnt matter if we spend rough times, it doesnt matter if it feels like there so much heartaches, tonight what only matters is that "we made it all through that, i woulndt know if we are victorious or still hanging but we are still here, One Big Happy Family"

I am proud to be part of it, I may not be proud of my contributions to the family, if ever I made some, but I am Proud to be who I am. I am, who I am because of this family. I am proud of my daughter that we may not be the typical family, being a single mom, I am proud that she is coping up well. I know I'm not the greatest mom, but I am trying my best. I am proud of my Kuya, because no matter if we see him as meak and looks like he is unaffected of all the things thats happening, sometimes it even feels like he doesnt care, I know that He has SOOOOOOOO Much loove for our family. He managed to stay calm and courageous for all us. He tried not to take sides because he understands that in a Family, there is no side, there is no left or right. A family is only considered ONE, as a whole, together.

I am proud of my parents, that even if there are a lot of things that they dont agree on. A lot of times, that they dont like the things thats happening between them, between us. There are even a lot of times that they hated eachother. They managed to forgive, forget, understand eachother even if they they really dont. To be there for eachother, even if they are not talking to eachother. And to STILL LOVE eachtoher even if it doesnt show.

This family is still together after 28 loooooooooooooooooooong years!!! Through thick and thin, In richness and in poorness, In sickness and in health. May we never part.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

2008 New Start!!!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Family Day!!!

Last Sunday, I dont know what got in to Papa's head that he asked as to go to Sta. Rosa. I really dont want to go, coz I want to rest and I know that I will spend some more money, and I really dont want to since I spend so much already the day before, Saturday. But, so as not to hurt Papa's feelings I said ok. We left at around 9am. All of us, Nongnong, Mama, Papa, Me and Jea including ate Luz, the house help. So we drive off in my car. There was no traffic at all. We got there by 10am, we asked Jea to tell us to stop if she saw our house already. We're trying to see if she still remembers. Its been a long time since we visit our place and all the houses look alike so we thought she wouldnt know, but she did. She said stop, exactly infront of our house. In a few minutes they are all doing chores, cleaning the house, cutting the grass, trimming the plants. So much work. This is what we do whenever we come home. We clean everything the whole day, just to leave it again that afternoon and just come back weeks even months after to do it all over again.

After lunch, Mama and Papa got in an argument coz she wants them to come with us to the open house for another real estate development, but Papa wont go, he would rather tire himself doin the chores.

Only the ladies left, me. mama and Jea. It was a long drive from home. We didnt know its that far, if we only knew... In the event Jea keep on bugging us to go back to Papa. So we stayed for a few minutes only. Just enough to have an overview of the project and chat for a while, then we left. On our way home, Jea fell asleep. We all went to sleep as soon as we got back home. We left Sta. Rosa at around 5pm. Mama and kuya got in another argument coz he doesnt wanna go with us to the mass, he insited that he has to change first.

We got in Manila by 6pm, Kuya and Papa, went to change then we went to UST for the mass. I told them I, dont need to go to greenhills anymore. I was suppose to inspect there. But, they said we can still go. We all went together, just like what we used to do, one big happy family. We ate dinner at Le Ching, like what we use to do and had dessert at Krispy Kreme. We had donuts, coffee and lots of laughter. I wish we can do this more often.... Few arguments, but we still end up laughing with eachother...

What I really want?

When we got home from office last night, I found Jea at Tita Lody's house again, maybe playing with Nicole. As I got out of the car, I can already hear her screaming "Mommy!!!Mommy I'm here!!" So I acknowledge her by saying I'm coming already and I have something for her. I brought her fries from Mcdo. As soon as I reached the 2nd floor she's already asking for me to buy her, take note PSP. The very expensive Portable Gaming Gadget that I myself dont know how to use. And so I told her I cant get that for her. I'd rather spend the money for her tuition fee, I'd like to enroll her this year. I know she's too young at 2 and a half years old, but she's such an intelligent kid that its such a waste to let her stay at home all day. So I'm saving up for that. Going back to PSP, I really dont like her playing those things, for the following reasons:

1. She's too young to even understand what those games are all about.

2. Most games are too violent for her, she might misunderstood and take that as good things, since all the other kids are playing those games.

3. That is just way too expensive for her, I know by experience that she will just ruin the gadget.

4. I dont think thats what she really wants!!! She just wants to what other/older kids have.

Just what mama also thinks. Jea has to have her own identity, and not just copy from others. I know its just normal for young kids to idolized but for the old ones to actually just accept it and even to encourage it wouldnt be healthy for her. I want her to develop her own personality. To know what she really likes. To know sho she really is. I know its hard, since most adults, even me still doesnt know that. But, its ok to at least dream for that. Right?

Friday, January 18, 2008

Quotable Quotes from Jea

On our vacation in Mt. Malarayat last July 2007. We ate breakfast at the Restaurant, all Filipino dishes, tapsilog , tocilog etc. Jea ate rice and eggs. After breakfast, we all went strolling around the golf course, took some pictures. When we reached the sunken restaurant, we saw a flock of ducks walking around the pond. We followed them and quacked with them. It was fun, they would answer as we quack they will also quack.

Then mama asked...."There's so many ducks here, saan kaya
sila nangingitlog? San kaya napunta yung mga itlog nila? "

and Jea answered: "Mama, duon oh! pointing to the restaurant.... Doon mama, dami eggs.. dami dba? Eat tayo eggs!!!!"

One evening, I brought home chocolate bar for Jea, I brought 2, one for me and one for her. So as I was eating dinner, she's already munching on her chocolate. When I finished dinner, I opened mine and have one bite. At that time, her bar is already halfway finished. Then she asked me to exchange with her and I said ok, thinking I can ask it back again, in my mind I can outsmart her. So I gave it to her, we both got one bite from our bars, hers my newly opened chocolate, mine, her halfway finished bar.

Then I asked her if we can exchange again..
"Baby.. change tyo ulet...."
she answered, smiling at me "eh.... akin to eh"

And, no matter what I say.. she wont give it back to me.. She just smiled at me. As if telling..hehehe.. I outsmarted you mom... That's when I realized, that this girl is smart, at 2 years old she can already trick me..

Nong Nong was teasing her one night.. He is about to get married and Jea will be the flower girl. He was teasing her and trying to trick her.. He first explained to her that she will throw flowers while walking in the isle,

then he said "Jea, flower vase ka ha..."

Nong nong thought she would just say yes.. not knowing that he changed the "girl" to "vase" some grown ups would miss this but...

Jea immediately answered

"Ayoko nga Nong nong, kaw ha... nababasag kaya yun?!!"

We all ended up, laughing at Nong nong.. it turns out.. Jea is too quick for him..

Thursday, January 17, 2008


This blog is pass due, I should have written this down right after...coz i cant remember the whole thing.. but i'll try baby.. So that I can tell you all about it when your grown up... Here it goes:

As usual mommy did all the cooking, most of it seafoods this time.. we had prawn in chilli butter sauce, grilled gindara, and spicy squid, theres also litson and of course the usual ham and the overflowing fruits. We went to the groceries early in the morning all of us whis is very unusual since most of the time, papa doesnt go with us anymore. So there the whole family, went to SM San Lazaro. As we walk in the groceries Jea saw the toys and wanted to buy one, she pleaded and pleaded but we managed to trick her to sit in the cart and we wheeled away the toys. After we have all we need from the groceries, the 3 of us Jea, Mommy and papa left. We went back to the toy area and I bought her the pizzan toy set, with pizza slices, slicer, pan, and lots of other accessories. Then we strolled at the mall area, I am trying so hard to distract her so that she will not see the play area.. but my efforts wasnt enough.. and she pleaded and pleaded again to go in. I was trying to explain to her that we will leave soon and she cant go in, I tried bringing her to Tom's World instead but she still insist in going to the play area. So I told her that we will just call papa, so we went back to the cashier area to see if Mama and nong nong is done paying, but we cannot find them. So we decided to go the car already so that we can open her toy already. We waited for a few more minutes and their back. Jea played with her new toy as we go back to the house.

Its pass lunch time when we got home, so we hurriedly prepared lunch and as we ate our lunch. Jea is so preoccupied playing with her pizza toy that she just goes back and forth to me to take a spoonfull of rice and fish.. not the usual lunch time since she eats by herself already, but i let this one pass, so there she goes back and forth sitting on the floor to play standing up again to eat and so on. After lunch, all went to sleep, except the two of us. Jea and me, she played the whole afternoon, and I wasnt able to sleep since she's too noicy pretending to be a witress, a chef, etc.

At dinner time she is still preoccupied with her toys, she's not even noticing the the fireworks everywhere...she didnt ate dinner with us as well... I was trying desprately to make her go to sleep since I know that she will be again too sleepy by midnight and I wanted her to see all the fireworks. At around 7:30pm, Nong nong came bakc from buying the litson, at first she didnt wanted to eat but I still gave her a piece to eat. After, taking it in her mouth, she went back to Tyang's room and lie down there...after a few minutes here she comes again asking for another piece.. again she went back and forth from the room and the table, as she goes back to the room she would lie down on the daybed posing like cleopatra. (that made us laugh) After a few minutes she's already sleepy, maybe because of the full day activity, she went back to me and whispered "mommy sleep nko dun ha" she asked me to turn off the light and I left her there to sleep. Then this is the funny part... she cam eback to me running then told me. "Mommy, tirhan mo ko ng baboy ha!" Hse like it so much that she asked me to save for her.

I tried to sleep too as she slept at around 10:30P.M. i woke up and went to cook the prawn, fish and squid. I woke here up at 11:45 just in time for the climax of the fireworks. SO there she is still sleepy, I carried her to the terrace and as we walked outside I told her not to be scared of the fireworks, its just noisy but it goin to be ok. I asked her if she's scrared and she said no. But, as I put her down to stand at the ballustrade, I noticed her knees trembling her eyes wide, although not crying I can see that she's trying so hard to be brave. So, I took her again and hugged and kissed her, telling constantly that its ok.. Its noisy but its also beautiful as I show her the fireworks.

After that I told her that she will get a new toy if she did not cry, and so I gave her one. Its good that I have spare gifts from Christmas, that calm her down. She got another new toy. She didnt eat, but she was there for all the photo's. Its such a happy night.. we did wacky pose.. and we drank wine.. I know she had a great time too. At about12:30 I put her back to sleep. and I know.. thats the start of a better year for us.. not just for me and Jea but for the whole family.. "HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!!!!"