Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's day

I think this day will always be a sad day for me, it has always been since I had little J. If you are new to my blog then you wouldn't know that I am a single mom and my life has never been the same sice then. My life has never been the same in so many ways, I have little J now to make me smile, but I also remember the love that I've lost because of some selfish reasons that I still cannot understand. Since that time too, my father and me broke our relationship. I cannot even remember how or when, but I think it all started when my father broke my heart because of some immature thing a week before I gave birth. We are not always like this, I remember that I am closer to father when I was younger, hence the term "papa's girl", but when I grew up, we also grew apart and now we are even more farther from eachother than ever. We had a lot of issues, maybe we just cannot forgive eachother. He hated me for some things that I have than and I hated him for his. Before I tried to mend it, but now, I think we are farther apart that I actually feel more secure, safe and peaceful when we dont talk. It is like I wouldn't care much. I honestly feel alot better like this, I know it shouldn't be that way but that is how I feel. I feel sad about it all, especially for little J, but I have gotten use to this set up already. I hope there will come a time that we can mend eachother's broken hearts and learn to forgive and understand each other.

Now, you know why Father's day is one of the loneliest days for me. Let's not even talk about little J's father, because if I do think about him I will still cry. I hope little J doesn't feel the same about father's day. I don't know which one is better, me having my father around, but doesn't feel good about it or little J not having her father with her but doesn't worry about it.

1 comment:

Enchie said...

I wish you and J all the best. You're a strong woman.