Advice from Tony Perez

Your PM: "Good evening. I hope you can help me get a better view of my relationship. I am in a crossroad, i dont know if i should split up with him or keep going. We are not together now, i am working abroad. My bf is suppose to join me here soon, but i dont know if it is a good idea. He doesnt have a work here so thats a big risk. We have a kid together and i really want it to work out. My questions are the following: does he really love me? We'll we be happy together when he gets here? Are we going to be happy as a family? Is he the man i am going to marry? I hope u answer my questions. If there are other things thay you sense about us, hope you can also share with me. Thank you.

My answer: "Hi _______! Yes, allow your boyfriend to join you there. He will eventually find a job, and working together to save money is always a good idea. You will be doing this not only for yourselves but as a duty to your child, whom you are both responsible for and who deserves a good future. You took the risk of falling in love and having a child. Venturing forth in a foreign country is yet another risk, but one worth taking for the sake of your family.

"At this point 'Does he really love me?' is immaterial because you are a family, whether you are married or not and whether you like it or not. It is not romance but a deep friendship that bonds together a healthy family, and that is something you have already.

"Yes, you will be together as a family. Whether you will be happy or not is not up to me but up to the three of you. You will eventually have two more children.

"Yes, he is the man whom you are going to marry, keeping in mind that marriage is not a bed of roses but a commitment that entails many sacrifices."

TONY PEREZ is a creative writer, playwright, poet, lyricist, painter, portraitist, fiber artist, and psychic journalist and trainer. He is one of the 100 Filipino recipients of the 1898-1998 Centennial Artists Awards of the Cultural Center of the Philippines.