Sunday, March 8, 2009

I almost auditioned for PBB

I was suppose to go there this afternoon, it's my audition date. Haha, I'm not kidding I actually texted to join, and I recieve a text from them,
"Sbi ni Kuya, audition ka na! Punta sa PDA ConcertHall, EugenioLopezDrve, QC sa March 9, 1PM. dumating sa takdang oras. Present dsMsg n valid Id.Ds msg s FREE"
Why is you may ask, well here is a list of why I should join.

1. I am so fed up with my life and joining PBB will take me away (temporarily) from all the wickedness/foolishness/chaos at home.
2. I don't know my self anymore, since having little J, and all the drama/trauma that I went through. I went straight to being mom/dad, provider/ yaya and all. Didn't had time to reflect or recover from all of it. So I ended up like this, somebody that is empty, lonely, always angry.
3. I have changed a lot and lost my confidence,I believe I've lost myself in the process too. I am hoping, new things, new surroundings and competition can give back my confidence in myself.
4. I don't want to be a "used to be". When somebody ask me for a description of myself, I think I can say that "I used to be a jolly person, used to be goal oriented, used to be a ramp model, used to be an architect" I am still an architect by profession, but I don't feel that way anymore. I don't want to be a "used to be anymore" I want to be all the person I was and more.
5. I gained 50lbs since I had little J, I think I can lose all that inside the house since there is nothing better to do.
6. I want to win the new house, the money and the new car. I really want to move out now!

Honetly I think I have a good chance of getting in, mu life is as controversial at compliacated as their telesrye plot, it would me interesting to watch me on screen telling all this dramas about myself. I don't think had a prefessional(as an architect) go in the house, I mean all the hopeful particiapants are after the showbiz exposure, unlike me, na gusto ko lng maalayo sa family ko. and I think a will have a lot of support because of the bloggers. Bloggers are so powerful now adays do you agree? we are the first to release news and events going on in the Metro, right and bloggers has a solid support for any other blogger, I think.
I sound a bit desperate? or out of my mind, but I just really want to be away from my life right now and joing PBB can be a way to do that. I am just so sad, I hat how my family treats me, I hate who I have become and I just hate my life right now.

But sadly, I decided not to go, I plan to. But the Lord or circumstances just wont allow me. The time should be 1pm. So I went to little J's school and fetch her, its a good things that its their exam day so school is half day, I already filed for half day in the office but I just can't make it. At 12:45 we are still in Makati, there is now way I can make it to ABS by tme, so I decided to just go back to the office with little J.

So here I am in the office writing about this while little J is behind me playing online games.


Chris said...

ganun ba? ... well, i know that you can find comfort in God... He loves you more than you know and he DOES care about you and what happens in your life...

Jes said...

ay gnun ba? nweis meaning d k para sa PBB....para k lng ke Lil J hehehhe =) D bale..mawwala lhat yang bugnot mo...just buy n buy baby alive for lil J para mawala ang stress mo heheh =) gnun dn ako eh...nabubugnt pero pag msaya mga nak ko nahahawa n dn ako ehehehe =0