Thursday, October 9, 2008

All about "Him"

Two nights ago, I met up with my best friend Owie and she talked to me about “him”. It’s not the first time that we talked about “him”. Almost a year ago, we also met up at Greenhills, we talked in Krispy Kreme, and we talked for hours. I was sad, angry, afraid, and lonely and lost that time. In fact I feel that I always feel that way whenever we talked. In fact I’ve always felt that way from the time that happened. Most of the time, I would call her when I’m really down. She is my best friend after all.

We talked, she reminded me who He really is, what am I to Him, how He feels about me and just where our relationship is going. And I didn’t believe her, my heart is full of hatred, full of pride that I didn’t want to believe her. She told me about my faults, that I cannot just blame “him” all the tragedy in my life. This just makes me angrier, why am I the one to blame again. It feels like she is taking “his” side, and I don’t like it, I’m full of pride that I don’t even want to accept that I do have faults. We argue the whole night in fact, we went home at 5am already and we met at around 9pm. We practically spent the whole night arguing. I told her to tell “him” that I am not going to change my views, no matter how much we argue. I wasn’t going to change my plans, I have lots of plans and that doesn’t include “him”. Yes I know “he” will be there for me, maybe that’s why I’m so confidents, because I know that he can never leave me, he loves me too much to leave me. But, I don’t need him at that time; I’d like to show him and everybody else that I can stand on my own again without anybody’s help.

Two nights ago, we went for coffee again, and here she goes again talking about “him”. I listened, I didn’t argue with her. Maybe after a year a realized that there are some points in our previous discussion that she was right. She was right about me, about my faults, and she was right about “him”. That “he” is still patiently waiting for me. I wasn’t that angry anymore as before. Owie was the one who talked mostly, she reminded me on how he took care of me, on how much he loves me. Soon in between out coffee sips she called “him” to be with us. She introduced me again to “him”, and I just listened and go along, as if I never new “him” before. And even though he was just quiet, I understood what he was trying to say. I listened, this time I heard what he was trying to say, and I accepted him back. I still don’t understand it fully right now, but I am willing to take one step at a time, to mend our relationship. Maybe Owie was right, he is all that I needed to make me happy again, all I have to do is believe in him, believe that he loves me and every thing else will follow. That’s all. All I have to believe is that God loves me.

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