Thursday, October 9, 2008

My journey to a better Me

A few nights ago I finally decided to commit to change my life, to make it better. My life has been in deep s**t for the past 4 years. If I list the pro’s and cons that only thing that’s doing well in my life is little J. She is the only reason to smile, to live. But, I don’t just live for her; there are a lot of other things that I should consider to be really happy. I neglected everything else in my life except her; sometimes I even neglect her too. I’ve changed a lot, physically, spiritually, emotionally. So finally, I committed into changing that. I will start my journey to a better me.

Physically- I gained 55lbs in the past 4 years. My normal weight should be between 135-158lbs. I weigh 130lbs before all that happened. I don’t take care of myself at all. Most of the times I don’t even have the time of exert effort to comb my hair. If my teeth would not hurt, I think I’d even neglect brushing my teeth. I use to be beautiful, not just beautiful I was gorgeous. I was a ramp model and even won some beauty pageants for G*d’s sake. So I started my weight loss plan.

Emotionally- From that thing happened, I’ve always been angry, angry about me, angry on little J when she is not doing what I expect her to do. I am full of anger, Angry at my parents, angry at the nanny angry at everything and everybody. So I decided that I don’t like who I am, who I have become and I want to change that. So I started the 10 reasons to be Thankful, which I try to do everyday, to remind of all the other things that I should be grateful and stop being angry all the time.

Spiritually- I believe this is the key to everything, because of all the trauma, of all the hatred I stopped believing in God, in fact there was even a time that I was so angry at Him. I would like to believe now; I would like to be healed. I would like to be loved so I am starting, Purpose Driven Journal. Owie gave me Purpose driven book, and I will be turning around my life with the Help of this book.

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