Thursday, October 9, 2008

Reflection Day 2

“You are not an accident”

My biggest fear is how to explain to little J, why is our life like this. Why is her father not with us, why is she different and why did I choose it to be this way.

When we look at our old family photos, when I was a lot younger, she would ask why is she not in the picture. I answers is always, “because you we’re not around yet”, “you were not yet alive back then”. Then the next question would be, “where am I?” “Why I wasn’t alive yet?” My answer is always; “you are still in God’s mind” Reading this chapter, makes me realize that I was right.

“Long before you were conceived by your parents,
You were conceived in the mind of God”

So what would be my answer if she asks that dreaded question? Where is my father? Why is he not with us?” Did he love me? Coz if he did, he wouldn’t leave us right? (He didn’t really leave us, my parents took me away from him, and a long story you will read about it here soon) Now, I have an answer. A cousin of mine told me that I should explain it to her this way. That,” Me and her father love her and we loved each other, but there are just circumstance that we have to part, because we were not ready, because we were not supposed to do that and being apart is just best for all of us.” But I can’t say that? It is not about me nor him, her sense of being should not be only because of us, she should feel loved because of she is, and not because of the mistakes, coward ness and wrong decisions that her parents did. I think this is the better answer.

Even if I don’t tell her that I love her, because she knows I do, even if I don’t tell her that her father loves her, because I know he does, but little J may not believe that. She is here, and alive and her life is how it is because of a reason.

“It doesn’t matter whether your parents were good or bad or indifferent.
God knew that those two individuals possessed exactly the right generic
makeup to create the custom “you” He had in mind.”

“While there are illegitimate parents,
There are no illegitimate children.”
Many children are not planned by their parents,
But they are planned by God.”

The only reason I can give her is this:
“God’s motive for creating you is love”

I may not, be able to claim that we loved each other, I know we did, If not little J would be here, only because we are both full of hurt, hatred and anger, that its hard to believe now that at sometime we loved each other. I may not be even sure if he loves little J, since he’s been absent all her life. But what I’m sure of is that she is made out of love, if not of her parents but she was and is made of God’s love.

Let me quote a poem by Russel Kelfer: (Also in Chapter 2 of Purpose Driven Life)

You are who you are for a reason.
You’re part of an intricate plan.
You’re a precious and perfect unique design.
Called God’s special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You’re just what he wanted to make.

The patterns you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom designed with God’s plan in mind,
And they bear the Master’s seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy,
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you’d grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You’ve been formed by the Master’s Rod
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God.

1 comment:

owie said...

JP, this is an absolutely beautiful post.. Yes, we were all created out of God's love... :) That's what we can tell ourselves and our kids over and over and over -- that we were created out of God's love.

I am soooo happy for you and little J! God is absolutely smiling at u!