Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I dreamed of him

I spent all morning thinking if I should write this here. I don't want him reading it, but what is the odds of him actually reading my blog right? So I am sharing this to all my blogger friends. I dreamed of him last night, him, being tha father of little J. Most of you doesn't know our story, but just for a brief narration, he was my boyfriend back in college and then again after college. My parents hated him, so when I got pregnant my parents did all they can to keep me away from him and I've been a single mom ever since. So here is what happened in my dream.

The first scene was I am strolling in a beachfront, away from all the partying. Just by myself walking in the sand, when I saw a guy sitting all alone drinking beer. When I got closer, I realized that its "him". I was glad to see him and called his name, when he saw me, he smiled and asked how I am. So we both said hi, and talked about our lives, all the things that happened to us all those years that we are apart. We talked for hours, until the sun shone to our faces. We talked as if there was no conflict between us. We are just happy to be together. We didn't talked about the bad times, nor we blame eachothers fault. We are just there enjoying eachother's company.

Then came in the next scene. This one is what shocked me. We are in an old house, with the architectural details I think its built during the 70's. We have a huge front yard with a beautiful garden and car garage that can fit 4 cars. His family and mine are also in the sala discussing something. My mom is reading a document with a huge frown on her head, she was mad but she can't do anything about it. In my dream, I saw that the document was a Marriage Contract, a TCT and a birth certificate. In my dream we sort of runaway from our family and got married, bought a house and had a 2nd baby. I was holding the baby in my arms, this time a little boy who looked so much like his father. Then there is little J about 5 or 6 years old already who is so inlove with her father as I am.

Then the next scene, we are still in the house the baby boy in a high chair, little J in her uniform and "him" my husband already, at least in my dream is already dressed up for office. In my dream I'm a SAHM with the only responsibility is to take care of my family. Then I woke up.

If given a choice, I don't want to wake up from my dream, that dream is really my dream. Although, I don't admit it, but I would love that to happen to me. I would love to be back in his arms and feel the love that we both turned away from. I would love to build our family together, just the way I saw in my dreams. A simple life, little J having her father. The only thing that was not something that I thought of is having a 2nd baby, but if that's a dream I wouldn't mind having another one, specially if "he" will be there beside me. That is one thing I didn't experience, when I was pregnant with little J. I was alone, he wasn't there, I was kept far away. My mom was with me, but its never the same.

With this dream, I realized a lot of things. One, that maybe I still dream of the "they lived happily ever after, fairytale". Something that I think would never happen, at least for todays circumstances. Two, that I am still in love with "him". It's been almost 4 years and I am still in love with "him". Three, that dreams are just dreams and no matter how beautiful it seems, there will come a time that I have to wake up and face reality. How I wish I could live in my dreams.

Type rest of the post here

1 comment:

Swapna said...

Oh... I would really love for your dream to come true... my best wishes...